Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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