so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
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i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
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pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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