she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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