I think I am morally bankrupt
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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