I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
