ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
