If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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