Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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