we have officially lost it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
