When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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