Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
