I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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