what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
