But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize