i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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