i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
