Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
