Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
is wine microwaveable?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's not a walk of shame if you run
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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