i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
