Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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