New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
