You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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