Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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