she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
