PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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