I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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