Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
