how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
