Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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