If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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