me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
