At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
