So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
