Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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