So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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