I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
And then he peed in my hair
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