The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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