I'm laying in your front yard are you home
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
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