6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
