What did we do last night that was yellow?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
