WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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