the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
