Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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