so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Randomize
