drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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