They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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