In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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