i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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