We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
