There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
