he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
