Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
