What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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