Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
