btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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