so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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