Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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