Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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