Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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