remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize