he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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