I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize