guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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