yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
