I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
