1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
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Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
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I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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