Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
