i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
