So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
