I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
