she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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